


Letting go

by MsAshlyjudd8



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Multi, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:31:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsAshlyjudd8/pseuds/MsAshlyjudd8
Summary: Sana tries to pick up the broken pieces of her life. And, sometimes that means letting go. Set after 4x05





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...That clip sure made me sad. In my head Sana is very self sacrificing, and so I think she would absolutely remove herself from the drama and try to start over...kind of like Even. This is mostly told through a letter Sana writes to Noora.

 

_Dear Noora,_

 

_I know you hate me right now, and I don't blame you, honestly. I should have told you about William, but I was just trying to protect you. I didn't want to see that broken look on your face; the one you had at the bar. This is why I was trying to get you out to meet new people. I wanted you to figure out for yourself that you are better then William. You deserve better. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I shouldn't have kept that secret._

 

_Now that you know that secret, I feel that I need to tell you another one._

 

_I am in love with Yousef._

 

_We have known each other for years. He has been friends with my brother ever since I can remember. The last couple years we have just sort of revolved around each other. There were shy glances and smiles, but it has never gone anywhere beyond that. And then the last few weeks it felt like we were growing closer. We became friends on Facebook, and we started texting. And, just a week ago, the day Elias got drunk, he offered to walk me home. We ended up at the park, where we finally started talking. It felt like we were finally connecting. And, as we stood outside my apartment...the way he looked at me, and the way he forgot his words...that was the moment I knew that I had fallen for him._

 

_You are the girl he chose to kiss though._

 

_Honestly, I was crushed. The first guy I had ever had feelings for was kissing someone else. Why couldn't it have been me? I found myself wondering what was so wrong with **ME**. And, then I realized how selfish that is. Because you are amazing. You are one of my best friends, and who knows, maybe Yousef is “the one” for you. Maybe this is how it was supposed to happen. _

 

_Yousef is beautiful. He is kind and smart and he even knows how to cook. He works with children and he doesn't drink. He is everything that you deserve, and I think you should give him a chance._

 

_I feel like I need to step back. I need to let go and allow my heart to heal. And so, if we don't hang out for a while and we don't talk as much, just know that I love you. You have been so kind to me, and tried to understand me when nobody else would. I want you to be happy._

 

_-Sana_

 

Sana closed her eyes and allowed one single tear to slip down her cheek, before she took a deep breath and sent the e-mail. It was her last form of communication now. She had deactivated her Facebook, Instagram and twitter. She couldn't bare to see all the comments about her brother and his friends. The Pepsi max girls were ruthless. By Saturday morning she had been kicked off the Russ Facebook page and removed as buss boss. Which, she knew was going to happen thanks to the gossiping girls in the bathroom, but using her brother's “Homophobic beliefs” as an easy excuse, Sana was dismissed from 'Flawless since 99'.

 

Eva and Chris called her the minute it became official, but she didn't answer. Vilde and Noora hadn't contacted her, which, again, was not a surprise. Vilde had gotten everything she wanted since she started talking about Russ. She had a group of friends who are just as shallow and air headed as she is. They deserved each other, Sana decided.

 

Noora had every right to be angry, and even though all of the girls knew about William, Sana took the fall. She may have lost her friends and the guy she was in love with, but she had her health and her faith and that was enough. She would allow herself the weekend to feel sad and angry, and then Monday morning she would let it all go and start over.

 


	2. Yousef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to my playlist yesterday and a song came on that gave me all the Yousana feels. So, here is Sana's letter to Yousef.

Listen to [THIS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qbzo9DnAqA) song while you read. 

 

_Yousef,_

 

_I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest. First of all, I want to say I'm sorry. Letting you guys walk into that club, knowing that Even was there, was probably not the best idea I've ever had. I just had this stupid thought...that maybe if you guys saw how happy he is now, how he is thriving in his new relationship, that you could get over what guilt you might still have. I saw it on your face that night in the park. And I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you that he is one of my friends. I wanted to tell you that he misses you too. Isak, Even's boyfriend, is my biology partner. He is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and he struggled a lot this last year, but meeting Even helped him._

 

_You know that Even is Bipolar...and about two months after they met, Even had a manic episode. I don't know a lot of the details, but in the end, they came out of it stronger then ever. Because that is what you do for the people that you love. You stick around and fight through the problems. They are stupidly in love with each other, and just recently moved in together._

 

_I don't know what started the fight or who said what, but I know that it ended with Isak's blood literally on my hands. It haunts me, because it could have all been prevented. If I had just kept my mouth shut._

 

_A lot of things happened that night, and I feel like my world has shifted._

 

_I was kicked off my Russ Buss, because I am Muslim, and at the same time I lost all of my friends. It hurt a lot, because I tried so hard to fit in and be there for everyone, and at the same time remember my faith and what it means to me._

 

_The one thing that hurt me the most though, was you._

 

_I have been struggling for a long time, dealing with my feelings for you._

 

_Here was this guy, and he's been friends with my brother for years. And, he's beautiful and funny and he always smiles at me whenever he see's me. He dances like a nerd when nobody is watching and he completely adores his friends._

 

_He makes my heart pound when he gets close and I miss him when he's not around._

 

_He feels guilt for lost friends, and he picks me flowers._

 

_He walks me home in the dark and forgets his words._

 

_He makes me want to rethink my faith. Because how could someone who makes me feel this good, be wrong for me?_

 

_And then he kisses my best friend._

 

_After I cried for a while, I started to feel like a fool. Because you never promised me anything. We never had any conversations about what we could be to each other. And so how could I feel so betrayed when you kissed her? She is everything that a guy like you could want. Noora is beautiful and sweet, and she respects everyone. The last guy she was with broke her heart, and I think you could be the perfect guy for her._

 

_So, to stop my rambling, I will just say this._

 

_Just know that I want you to be happy._

 

_So I am going to let go. I have to._

 

_-Sana_

 

This time, when Sana sent the e mail, she curled up on her bed and cried. She cried for what could have been, and what will never be. She hadn't been to school the whole week, having told her mom she caught the flu. She just wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready for the questions from her friends, or the black eye that Isak was sure to have.

 

Just a few more days, and then she would pull herself together and get on with her life.

 

Sana stood from her bed and wiped the tears from her eyes. A nice long shower is what she needed. With clean clothes and towel in hand, Sana opened the door to her room and then slammed it closed again.

 

“Sana?” Yousef said, through the door.

 

_This cannot be happening._

 

“Sana, can I please talk to you?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? I will eventually get to Noora's reaction.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last clip gave me all the feels. I actually cried when the girls showed up in their new buss!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has sort of changed, as the show changed. So from now on it will just be random moments that inspire me along the way. This chapter, Sana is happy and this is what happens when she gets home.

Have you ever felt so happy...so elated that you feel like your bones are lighter? Like, you can spread your arms and fly away? That was how Sana felt today. 

She had started her day, like the last few days, crying. She thought for sure she had lost all of her friends. And she had no one to blame but herself. Sure, Sara was a cold hearted, two faced bitch, but Sana didn't have to sink down to her level. In the end she had hurt a lot of people, and this was the day she was going to fix everything. She just needed her friends to actually show up.

When the Pepsi-max girls stood to leave, and Chris and the girls were no where to be found, Sana had lost all hope. It was over.

And then the girls swooped in like the angels they were, and put her broken heart back together. They laughed and screamed and hugged most of the afternoon, and when it was time for Sana to go home, she hugged each one of them extra hard before they left.

Sana's face hurt from smiling so much, and she found that she couldn't stop her eyes from watering. She was an emotional person weather it be sadness or happiness and this was probably the happiest she had ever been. She felt light on her feet when as walked into the kitchen and flew right into her mothers arms. She pressed her face into her mothers chest and laughed and cried at the same time.

“Sana?” Her mother exclaimed. “Honey, whats wrong? Why are you crying? Has something happened?”

Yes something has happened. She found out that her friends are amazing. She found that Chris had been playing her when she told Sana, that they didn't like her anymore.

Sana just squeezed her mother tighter and laughed.

“Mama?” Another voice said, as the door to the kitchen swung open.

“What happened?” The voice...Elias said. “Sana, whats wrong? What happened?”

Sana laughed as she spun around to face her brother. Only then noticing that his four shadows stood by his side. Sana smiled as she ran forward into her brothers arms. She hugged him tight and then, shocking everyone, she hugged the others too. First Mikael, and then Adam and then Mutta and then...

Oh.

She stopped herself before hugging the last boy in the chain. Because...well, it had been awkward with him for a long time, but she was so happy today that she didn't want to think about it. She just wanted to be happy. Yousef was looking very amused by the whole show, and a little awkward, because nobody else in the room knew what had happened between the two of them.

Sana was still smiling, but now she was blushing too. Because, she could be mad at him all she liked, but Yousef was still the most beautiful boy she had seen up close. He still made her pulse pound in her ears.

“Are you okay, Sana?” Yousef said, voice deep and curious.

“Uh, yeah” Sana said, “I'm great actually. I've had a really horrible couple days, but everything is better now.”

She reached up to wipe the tears from her watery eyes, blushing still as Yousef continued to look at her.

“If everything is great, then why are you crying?”

She shook her head and smiled. “Its a really long story. Like I said, it's been a really horrible few days and this morning I just felt like all was lost. I felt hopeless. And then my friends pulled through for me. I realized that none of it mattered. It doesn't matter that I am too Muslim for some people, and not Norwegian enough for others. I am who I am, and that is enough.”

Yousef smiled, and it took her breath away.

“I have a gay, best buddy/biology partner. And I have four best friends who love me for me.”

Yousef rolled his lips in and then he smiled that toothy smile that Sana loved.

“That's really amazing, Sana,” He said, “I just have one question though.”

Sana raised her eyebrows in question.

“Do I get a hug too?”

She laughed and looked down, and blushed bright red again. When she was able to look up again, she nodded her head.

Yousef stepped forward and gently wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Sana slid her arms around his torso and pressed her face into his chest. She wanted to cry again with how good it felt to be this close to him.

He smells so good.

Sana stepped back and laughed when she heard a chorus of “awww” from her brother and his friends.

It felt really good to be in such a good place, and she knew she owed a lot of that to her friends, and looking around at everyone in the kitchen, she thought about someone else in her life. Her smile faded as she addressed all the boys.

“You know, I've made a mess of my life lately and I ended up hurting a lot of people. But my friends never gave up on me. And, it seems to me that this little group of yours has been missing someone really important.”

Five pairs of eyes fell to the floor.

“I know from experience that when someone feels embarrassed, or scared they tend to isolate themselves because they fear rejection. Because it's easier to be alone, then to have the ones you love the most tell you that you're not good enough. Sometimes all it takes is one person to take the first step; to not give up.”

The boys stayed silent after Sana finished. She hoped that they took her advice.

Sana turned and blew her mother a kiss, before she made her way to her bedroom. Tonight all of the girls were going to Skype about their buss. It was little, and kind of crappy but it was theirs and it was going to fucking amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?

**Author's Note:**

> Love it? hate it? Let me know. I am contemplating adding more chapters to this.


End file.
